


Baby Honey

by delsicle



Category: Dunkirk (2017), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Historical, Anal Sex, Angst, Body Worship, Established Relationship, Fluff, Knotting, Love Letters, M/M, Mpreg, Mpreg Louis, Porn with Feelings, Post-War, Pre-War, War, World War II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 04:14:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12740811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delsicle/pseuds/delsicle
Summary: When the next great war strikes, all alphas have to ship out. Alex leaves a little more behind than some of the others.





	Baby Honey

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, and welcome to part 2 of Dunkirk Week! In case you didn’t check out Monday’s fic, this week I’m posting continuations of the drabbles I’ve been posting on Tumblr lately featuring Alex (Harry's character in Dunkirk) and Louis. As you might be able to tell, this one is my alex/louis ABO verse. 
> 
> Some disclaimers and world building notes: When I was thinking about what a realistic (if you will) abo world would look like in the 1940’s, I came up with a couple ideas that will become present in this fic. One, omega males are treated pretty much identically to women. The treatment and opportunities (or lack thereof) during that time period are similar to the attitudes toward omega men. Also for this reason, male omegas are referred to in feminine terms. For that reason, MINOR SPOILER louis is referred to a mother several times. Just a head’s up in case that detail bothers you. Also, I thought that if same sex couples fit in the alpha/omega model, they would treated pretty similarly to straight couples. For that reason, this fic contains no period-typical homophobic attitudes and slurs towards Alex and Louis. 
> 
> ALSO I needed to give Alex a last name. So he’s Alex Styles now. idk fam I apologize for absolutely nothing. 
> 
> As always, please note that this work also contains adult content and is intended for an 18+ audience. This is a work of fiction intended for fan consumption. Please not send it to anyone related to One Direction or the film Dunkirk.
> 
> Finally, thank you as always to Aleah for putting up with me, to the lovely anons who gave me prompts over on my blog, and for Brit and the other mods of this year’s Alex/Louis Fic Exchange, who wrote a sample alex/louis abo prompt that inspired me in the first place. All mistakes and historical inaccuracies are mine. Enjoy xx
> 
> Title comes from the unreleased Harry song that haunts me daily

It was nearly the end of Alex’s first semester of university, and he was close to quitting.

It was icy cold now, and snowing hard constantly. Of course, his mother had promised to send him a trunk with his winter coat and boats, but it had gotten lost and never made it to campus, so he was sitting in class with his socks soaked inside his galoshes and wearing jumpers that were equally damp and doing nothing to chase away the cold. The lecture hall was only half-heated, the professor was boring as all hell and Alex had barely stayed awake at all, to the point he probably hadn’t heard enough information to pass their final examination in two weeks. The only thing keeping him clinging to life was the thermos of black coffee and hot chocolate he had thrown together that morning and was keeping under his desk. 

The professor at the front of the room opened his mouth to talk about something else – the pyramids in Egypt or the radius of a circle or how oxygen and hydrogen combined or anything else -- when a door at the back of the room opened. Alex cringed, crossing his arms for the chilled arm coming in the from the unheated hallway. But then he inhaled, catching an unexpected smell. It was enough to make him pause and lift his head. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see nearly the entire room doing the same thing as they all turned towards the door.

There was a boy Alex had never seen before standing in the doorway of the classroom, taking off a thick, woven scarf. There was snow caught in his damp hair, and he reached up a hand to pull his fingers through his fringe. He stamped his feet against the steps of the hall as he descended the stairs down to the actual rows.

“Morning,” he said, his voice clear and high, “Sorry I’m late,”

He took another step, and then he paused directly in front of the row where Alex was seated.

Because of course, Alex had chosen to sit one seat in from the end of his row, and there was an empty desk right next to him.

He looked up, blinking at the boy who was standing in front of him with big blue eyes and an easy smile. He lifted a hand, his fingers stained pink from the cold, and motioned to the chair next to Alex.

“I suppose I can sit here?” he asked, his voice loud enough it probably carried to the whole room, but with how firm his gaze was, Alex could convince himself the boy was talking only to him.

Alex opened his mouth, ready to say yes, and then then there was the furious sound of footsteps coming up the hall stairs. He turned at the exact same time as the other boy to see his professor storming up the stairs, his face red. The boy looked rather unsurprised by this, but then again, Alex figured the boy hadn’t planned for this to end any differently.

The only people permitted into this room were alpha and beta students, and the scent wafting off the boy’s skin was sweet and heady with honey and omega pheromones.

The professor was coming closer now, and still, the boy didn’t flinch, even as the older man finished climbing the stairs and stared directly at him.

“You can’t be here,” the professor said sharply, speaking with more energy than Alex had ever heard the man muster up, “You’re not a student,”

“Yes, I am,” the boy said calmly, “Just somewhere else,”

“You need to leave,” the professor said, and again, the boy just blinked at him.

“Why?” he asked mildly, and it was enough for the professor to take a step back and just glare at him indignantly.

“Please just leave. This class isn’t for you, and I’m sure you’re missing your classes over at – “

His voice died off, and the boy sighed and shook his head.

“The Manchester Area Omega College,” he provided, “That’s where I go. Clearly not even you can say it. Still that controversial, is it?”

“You should return there, please. The students in this room have a very important exam in a few weeks, and they actually deserve to be here. They don’t need your…distractions,”

“Is that so,” the boy said, “Well, I’m bored out of my fucking mind over at the school, three years there and I haven’t learned _anything_ , how about that. Not even how to cook and sew, which apparently the only reason it was started. Should really take that up with the faculty over there if you’re so worried about me being here,”

The professor just stared at the boy, and he stared back. Alex’s own hand had gone a bit numb from how tightly he was clutching the arm of his chair, and the entire room felt wound tight, the air noxious with thick, tense scent.

Finally, the omega boy sighed and stood up, collecting his coat back into his arms.

“Fine,” he sighed, “I’ll go,”

He slipped out of the aisle and nodded to the rest of the room, his eyes glinting.

“Enjoy your lesson,” he said, and then he hopping up the stairs to the classroom door easily, his body situated in the thick yellow light of the hallway outside as he went.

Alex just watched as the front of his body, and then his face, and then the edge of his coat, and then he was gone, and the door was swinging shut behind him.

“Alright, alright, settle down. Good Christ, alright – “ the professor was stumbling to regain control, but Alex didn’t even care about him, or the roomful of alphas and betas that had loud and rowdy at the interruption.

Instead, he grabbed his bag off the floor before he could even think, and then was swinging it over his shoulder and gathering his coat into his arms. He jogged out of the aisle, nearly tripping over his own feet as he reached the stairs. He heard a few people shout out to him, or sigh, and for a moment he was afraid there would be more people trying to sprint towards the door and hunt the omega down. But there was nothing from behind him, and nothing still when he reached the door and pushed it open.

The omega wasn’t outside when he jogged into the hallway, but the front door to the building was close by, so he couldn’t have gone far. He went to the door of the building and shoved it open, his shoulders coiling tight at the sudden shock of cold air that hit him. He hadn’t put on his coat, but it didn’t matter. He could see a shape walking in front of him, with feathery brown hair and a slender body.

“Hey,” Alex called, and jogged towards the omega again. He wished he had a real name to call out, but he had nothing, so instead he just shouted, “Hey” again.

Still, the omega stopped, and turned. When he caught sight of Alex, he sighed, his breath coiling out in a frosty white cloud.

“What do you want?” he snapped, but his voice sounded weary, like he had already had a conversation like this twenty times that day. For all Alex knew, that very well could have been the case.

“Just -- I’m sorry,” Alex said, “I – I’m sorry your classes are so bad, and I’m sorry you couldn’t stay. I’d let you take my place in that class if I could. I don’t even know what’s going on half the time in there, it’s wasted on me,”

“Uh huh,” the omega said, and then crossed his arms and just looked at Alex closely, “And you decided to just leave class to tell me that?”

“Like I said, I hate it anyways,” Alex said. His throat felt tight, and he was trying not to pant from running out to meet him, “Look, I – I just wanted to tell you that, okay? Really,”

The boy in front of him just looked at him, blinked, and shook his head.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “You can go tell your professor I’m sorry too. I’m just having a hard day, okay? I’m bored out of my mind and failing my classes because I’m so bored with them and don’t want to put in the work and just – it was stupid to come here. I should go back to campus before I get kicked out of my own school,”

He turned, but Alex surged forward. He wanted to touch the boy’s shoulder, but he pulled his hand back at the last moment. He didn’t know how many random alphas had laid their hands on this boy, good-naturedly or not.

“Wait,” he got out instead, and the omega turned and looked at him again, his blue, blue gaze making the words freeze in Alex’s mouth.

“Could I take you to lunch, maybe? I don’t really see a point in going back to class, I wasn’t learning much,”

“What happened to just wanting to express your grievances?”

“I, um,” Alex swallowed, “I just wanted to do something nice,”

“Do you have other classes today?”

“I have geography at 2,” Alex said, “And I have squash practice at 6,”

“Okay, good,” he sighed.

“Good?” Alex parroted, “What do you mean?”

“Because sometimes lunch means let’s go to my dorm and do something I’m not interested in,” the omega said plainly. It was enough to make Alex’s chest ache a little bit.

“I won’t,” Alex stuttered, “Just lunch, I promise,”

The boy in front of him blinked, staring at him hard for a few moments. And then, his lips lifted in a genuine smile.

“Alright,” he said, “What’s your name, ‘just lunch’?”

“Alex,” he provided, and the boy smiled.

“M’Louis,” he said, “If you’d like to go now, I like the tea shop down the road. They make good sandwiches,”

*******

_4 Years Later_

Alex didn’t mean to get home late, but he did.

Civilian testing wasn’t supposed to go over an hour, but apparently the influx of alpha and beta males needed on the frontlines was even greater than he had thought, because there was a line out the door of the nearest testing office. By the time he had gotten through the line, had his eyesight, weight and reaction time recorded, and caught his train back home, the sun was already setting.

So he had to go home in the dark, to the part of the city with the cheap, identical looking flats the government handed like to candy to newly mated couples but never bothered to upkeep.

But at least when he finally unlocked the front door and pushed it open, it smelled damn good, like bread and the flowers, warmed honey and raspberries.

“Louis,” Alex called, “Baby, I’m home,”

There was no answer, but there were exactly two rooms in the flat, so he just sighed and trudged into the second room. The room had a bed, so maybe he could just call it the bedroom. But it also had an old sink and a bathtub shoved into one corner, so maybe it was a bathroom, too.

Of course Louis was there. Louis had a bad habit of worrying, and when he worried he didn’t want to leave the flat in case anything bad somehow happened while he was away.

He was lying in the middle of their bed, huddled under a blanket – the “congratulations on mating” blanket one of their neighborhoods had knitted for them, the thing now shrunken and pale pink with too many harsh washes. The omega was also gripping a piece of bread covered in golden honey and red jam, the spread dripping over his hands, his mouth lazily spread over the corner of the bread as he glanced over at Alex.

“Hi,” Alex murmured, and Louis just shifted his eyes away and then bit into the bread. He chewed and then pressed a thumb to the corner of his mouth, wiping away some of the jam that had gathered there.

“M’not sharing,” he muttered, and Alex laughed weakly.

“I go to sign up for my papers and you can’t even share the only decent rations we’ll get all month,”

Louis’s eyes shifted a bit at that and he sighed.

“They say anything to you?” Louis asked, “About whether you’re heading out?”

“Well I’m still here so I didn’t get the draft right away,” Alex shrugged, “But I’m sure I’ll find out soon,”

Louis nodded, then sighed and reached out, setting his half-eaten toast on the turned-over crate that served as their bedside table.

“Come on,” Louis murmured, flicking his eyes up to him, “Been waiting for you all day,”

Alex maybe should have gotten some real food, or just laid down for a nap, but Louis was right there, with sticky sweet lips and skin smelling like spring, and _damn it_.

Alex pulled off his shirt and Louis smiled, his eyes drifting down lazily as Alex started to undo to his belt.

“What’d you do today?” Alex asked, and Louis’s eyes flickered back up to his face and he snorted.

“Nothing. I stayed here and waited for you to come home,” Louis said flatly, “Unless I missed the news and they suddenly decided omegas could have jobs,”

“Right, right,” Alex sighed. He finished undoing his belt and let his trousers fall to the floor. He was just going to leave his drawers on and crawl underneath the sheets, maybe kiss Louis and fool around a bit before getting to anything concrete, but Louis gave a rather murderous glance to the fabric at his hips.

“You don’t think I’m going to let you come near me with those things on, do you?”

Alex shook his head, “Thought we could just spoon a little to start, honey,”

“That’s real sweet. It’s not happening right now,” Louis said, then cut another glance to Alex’s waist, “Come on, then. After all I did for you,”

He lifted the fabric of the quilt off his shoulder, then folded the fabric down entirely and pulled it away from his body.

He was naked underneath. Alex didn’t know what else to expect, really, but Louis was naked, all soft skin and strong limbs and a curvy bottom half.

“Alright, alright, I get it,” Alex sighed, and then finally pulled his drawers off his hips and left them abandoned on the floor. Louis smiled and lifted the covers higher, letting Alex crawl under them and immediately kiss his favorite place, the always-familiar bond mark he’d put on Louis’s shoulder not too long ago. He kissed it and then stuck his tongue out, lapping over the spot, just tasting Louis’s skin, and the other man groaned and pushed on the side of his neck.

“Stop it,” he huffed, “S’fucking disgusting,”

Alex just laughed and kissed the spot again before moving away and lifting his chin so he could kiss Louis on the lips.

“Love you,” he murmured when he pulled away, “Missed you today,”

“You miss me every day you have to leave,” Louis sighed.

“Yeah. And it’s always true,” Alex said.

He smoothed a hand over the curve of Louis’s waist, moving back over his bum, until finally he was tucking his fingers back into the slick, hot place between Louis’s cheeks. He was wet, and one of Alex’s fingers easily slid into his waiting entrance. Louis gasped weakly, a hand coming up to curl against Alex’s chest, trying to find purchase.

“It’s alright,” Alex murmured, “You’re alright,”

“I know,” Louis breathed out. His head lolled forward, resting against Alex’s shoulder, and Alex kissed the omega’s temple, letting his lips rest there as he moved his finger inside of the other man, then slipped a second finger inside, shifting them back and forth slowly. He felt slick build up around his fingers as he moved them, and Louis kept whimpering and gasping weakly against Alex’s chest.

“Do something,” Louis finally said, tapping his knuckles against Alex’s chest, “C’mon, waited all day for you, need something else,”

Alex nodded, kissing Louis’s temple again, then pulled himself away. He slipped one finger out of him, then the other, didn’t even bother to wipe them off on the sheets as he gripped Louis’s waist and rolled him over onto his back. He lifted himself up, setting a knee on either side of Louis’s hips, and then he pressed a hand on Louis’s belly, stroking at the skin as he leaned forward for one more kiss. Louis let him, even though Alex could feel a frown on his mouth as he kissed him. He didn’t like to be kept waiting. So naturally Alex took his time kissing him, feeling his mouth and letting the edge of his tongue lick at the sweet, sticky remnants of honey and jam until Louis started whining.

“Christ,” Louis muttered, “You’re useless, really fucking _useless_ ,” ‘

“Be patient,” Alex laughed. He lifted his hand off Louis’s belly and instead pressed it to his cheek, and then pulled away long enough to look at Louis and smile. Eventually, the other man’s lips lifted into a smile, too, making Alex’s heart lurch a little.

He was in love with him. He’d been in love with him since that day in uni, and they’d been together since about a week after their first lunch. They’d only been mated for six months, but Alex knew about ten minutes after they had first met that he wanted to be with him forever.

He drew his hand away from Louis then and instead brought it down on his cock, gripping it and going to line it up to Louis’s entrance, the thick, heady smell of slick making its way up to Alex’s nose as he did so. He pressed the head of his cock to Louis’s hole, the way he had done a thousand times before, and Louis moaned softly, the smile still on his mouth as he did so. His eyes closed, and Alex watched him as he pushed the rest of his cock into him, watched the way Louis’s lips and nose and eyebrows quirked. It wasn’t until Alex was fully inside and he lifted his hand back up to Louis’s cheek that he opened his eyes.

“Come on,” he whispered, and Alex nodded, shifting his hips a little. Louis’s eyes fluttered closed again, and he murmured softly as Alex moved inside him.

He held himself up by the arms for a while, but eventually, he let himself fall, press his body firmly against Louis and shove his face into his neck. Louis grunted but let him do it, and Alex breathed in the sweetness of his boy as he lifted his hips, pushed them back and forth, felt Louis grow hot and pliant and slick with sweat beneath him. Eventually Louis lifted a hand and pressed it between Alex’s shoulder blades, his blunt nails scratching at him.

“Alex,” he murmured, his voice weak, “Alex, baby,”

“Go on,” Alex said, his own gut tightening, “Go on,”

Louis groaned, pushing his hips up to meet Alex, and after only a few moments he was crying out, his voice so high and strained and still so pretty. There was wetness between their bellies, Louis was shaking, and Alex stroked his side and kissed his neck as he kept moving carefully inside him. He moved until he felt his knot growing, felt himself locking inside of Louis, making the other man groan loudly again, his voice finally dying when Alex’s knot leveled out.

Alex blinked, shifting his hips, his entire body wet with his own sweat and with Louis’s come and slick, but he didn’t want to move. He couldn’t. All he could do was keep kissing Louis’s shoulder, keep dragging his lips over his collarbones and his sweet skin and his bond mark.

Alex loved him.

He loved him so much, and now he might have to go leave him to fight for something he didn’t start.

He felt tears prick at his eyes, and Louis sighed softly, like he had been waiting for Alex to break down since he got home.

Maybe he could. They were tied closely enough that Alex swore sometimes he could hear Louis’s thoughts inside his own head.

“You’re alright,” Louis sighed, pushing his fingers through his hair, “Alex, you’re alright,”

That only made Alex’s eyes burn more, a few tears bubbling to the surface, and Louis cursed softly and this time pressed Alex’s head to his chest and stroked the back of his head.

“They’re gotten more than a million other alphas in the country, huh?” Louis murmured, “Bet they won’t even come close to needing you,”

Alex nodded. It was easy enough to picture. The war somehow ending right before he was needed. A stack of folders being picked up and drafted, and the recruiters in London stopping right at the folder with his name.

He could stay here. Say that he put in his best effort and still stay. He wouldn’t have to fight battles he wouldn’t admit out loud that he wasn’t ready for.

He just squeezed Louis’s hand, and only managed one thing.

“Maybe.”

*******

Alex had been staring at the stack of folded fabric for far too long, trying to figure out what came next.

He knew the real answer, of course. A shipment out and then marching orders until victory was won. He had gotten the papers with his pitiful new title and first orders a few days ago. He had had time to think about it and to cry a bit on Louis’s shoulder, pathetic as it was.

It was another thing to get a paper package containing the earth-colored shirt and breeches and coat, another package with his boots. Something physical.

Louis stood carefully behind him, wrapped up in one of his thin dressing gowns as he looked at Alex carefully.

“Alright?” he asked, and Alex nodded, his shoulders shuddering a bit.

“Yeah, m’fine,”

Louis sighed, clearly not believing it but going along with it anyways. He padded closer until he was right at Alex’s side, and he lifted a hand and stroked it over Alex’s shoulder.

“Well, go try it on,” Louis said. Alex shook his head.

“I don’t really think I need to,”

“Right. And then you’ll be in Germany with a coat that’s too short and boots that are too big and you’ll be wishing you said yes to me,” Louis smiled, and then leaned in, pressing his mouth to the corner of Alex’s lips and keeping it there. Alex closed his eyes, knowing that he was trying to coax a smile out of him. 

“Louis,” he murmured, and Louis just held his lips fast until finally Alex managed to smile.

“There’s my boy,” Louis said, and then picked up the uniform and pushed it into his chest, “Now go, it’ll only take a moment,”

Alex nodded, taking the uniform from Louis, and then he went into the corner of their room, behind the flimsy divider they’d put up between the tub and the toilet the rest of the room. He stripped off his regular clothes and put the uniform on piece by piece, each motion familiar as he put on the trousers and buckled his belt, did up his shirt buttons, tied his boots. Everything was comfortable, but it was also heavy, and cheap, and he was going to wear nothing else for God knows how long.

Eventually, he forced himself to turn around and face Louis fully.

“Well?” Alex asked, and Louis gave him a soft smile as he came closer.

“Your buttons are wrong,” he said softly.

“Oh,” Alex blinked and looked down, his eyes focusing on the puckered and gapped fabric in the middle of his shirt, “Was wondering about that,”

Louis snorted.

“Christ, they really are right, aren’t they,” Louis said as he lifted his hand to undo the buttons, “You alphas would fall apart without us,”

Alex didn’t even bother to agree. They both knew it was right.

Louis quickly finished undoing the wrong buttons, redid them up again, and smoothed his hands over Alex’s shirt. He stepped away then, nodding towards the only mirror they had. 

“Go look,” he said softly.

Alex nodded and went closer to the mirror, forcing himself to look at himself. He tried to busy himself with adjusting the fabric at his wrists or the collar of his shirt, because there was nothing really to look at, the uniform looked just fine. In fact, looked nearly the same as his regular clothes, just in different colors. But it was something that belonged on the men he saw on the front pages of the paper or in the announcement videos that he saw when he took Louis to the movies. It wasn’t something _he_ was supposed to wear.

Louis came up behind him eventually, putting his arms around Alex’s waist, and Alex closed his eyes.

“You never told me what you thought,” Alex said, “About how it looks,”

“I think you look very handsome,” Louis murmured.

Alex closed his eyes and let Louis hold him, his arms steadfast around his middle, and Louis lifted his lips, pressing them to the center of Alex’s back.

“I get my hair cut in a few days,” Alex said, “Right before I leave,”

“And I’m sure you’ll look fine,”

Alex nodded, and then pulled himself away from Louis, only to turn back around, encircle his arms around Louis, and squeeze.

“You’re okay,” Louis said. He’d said it before. It shouldn’t make Alex feel better but it was _Louis_ , so it did.

Alex just buried his face into Louis’s neck, breathing in. He smelled sweet, like how he usually did but with something extra, like nectar straight from the vine.

“You smell good,” Alex murmured, “Did you buy something? New perfume?”

“You know we can’t afford that,” Louis chuckled, “Nothing new, love. S’just me,”

“Mm,” Alex said, nosing at the spot again “S’different…”

Louis tugged on the hair at the back of Alex’s neck, making him lift his head, and then Louis pressed his mouth to Alex’s lips before he could say anything else.

“Now,” Louis said when he pulled away, flattening his hands on Alex’s chest as he said, “You think that uniform could get us some free rice at the corner store? Because if we don’t pick any up then we’ll have to have broth for supper,”

Alex sighed, shaking his head as he pulled back, “I guess there’s no way I’m getting out of going to get some?”

“Nope,”

“Alright,” Alex managed, landing a kiss on the top of Louis’s head, “Yes, sir,”

Louis smiled softly, closing his eyes, and lifted his chin, letting Alex place one more kiss on his mouth.

Alex still put on his regular clothes again to go out.

He was going to wait as long as he could to put that uniform back on, any free food be damned.

*******

Louis was being quiet.

Alex could understand that. He would ship out in the morning. He didn’t know when he’d be back, if at all, although he hadn’t said that possibility out loud yet.

But Louis was dead silent. Alex offered to take him out for a proper dinner, one last real night together. He had agreed, but he had picked at his food the whole time, shook his head when Alex offered to ask for a little wine. Now, they were at movie, but he had been quiet on the walk over and was now squirming in his seat and tapping his fingers on the seat rest.

Alex looked over at him and sighed, crumpling his paper popcorn bag in his hand. He leaned over, pressing his mouth to Louis’s ear.

“Do you want to go?” he asked, and Louis just shrugged.

“We can stay,” he murmured, “I want to find out how it ends,”

“No, you don’t,”

“Fuck off, you don’t know that,”

“Well, I know that he’s going to leave his wife for her, because that’s how it always ends,” Alex said, gesturing towards the screen in front of them.

Louis glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes, and then sighed.

“Yes, I’d like to go,”

“Okay,” Alex said quickly. He grabbed his jacket and Louis’s hands and stood up.

“You’re blocking the screen,” someone snapped behind them, and Louis rolled his eyes.

“Fuck off,” he said loudly, loud enough for a few people to turn around. Alex just shook his hand and tugged him out of the row and towards the door of the theater.

“I can’t take you anywhere,” Alex sighed with a shake of his head, but he was smiling the whole time. Louis looked at him and returned the look, then leaned forward, tucking himself into Alex’s side.

“M’sorry,” he murmured, “You just wanted to have a nice night,”

“Not if you weren’t having fun,” Alex said. He pecked Louis’s shoulder and then tightly wrapped an arm around as he walked outside.

Louis stayed quiet on the train ride home, but at least now he had a small smile on his face. Alex kept reaching over and patting his knee, making Louis glance at him, but still, he didn’t make a peep, just kept his hands folded in his lap with his cheek resting on Alex’s shoulder. When they got home, Louis said he wanted to take a quick bath, and then he’d be ready for bed. Alex let him go, accepting the shake of Louis’s head when he offered to draw the omega’s bath.

It wasn’t until Louis was done and standing at the edge of the bed, wrapped in one of Alex’s shirts that Alex couldn’t stand it anymore.

“What’s wrong?” Alex asked, and Louis shrugged.

“Nothing,” Louis said.

“No, something’s wrong. You’ve been too quiet,” Alex insisted. He sat up in bed, pushed the sheets off his legs, “Is it just me leaving or something else?”

Louis’s eyes flickered up, and he sighed, pressing an arm around his middle and setting his other hand on his hip.

“You think there would be something else bothering me right about now?”

“Sure,” Alex said, but Louis just stared at him, forcing Alex to keep the conversation up.

“Are you okay?” Alex asked, “Are you sick?”

“I guess not,”

“You guess?” Alex prompted, and Louis shook his head.

“I – I’ll be fine,” he said, his voice wavering a bit.

“Are you not fine now?”

“I will be and that’s all that matters,” Louis sighed.

Alex frowned, trying to think back.

“You looked pale a couple days ago,” he said, “Remember? I asked you about it,”

“I remember. I wasn’t drinking enough water,”

“Are your headaches back?”

“A little,” Louis allowed. His voice was still short, clipped, and Alex didn’t want to ruin his last night but if Louis was sick with anything more serious then a cough, then he couldn’t carry that knowledge with him across the Pacific.

“Christ, baby, please tell me what it is,” Alex said, “I’ll worry more if you don’t,”

Louis kept his lips pressed closed, and Alex was about to ask him again, when his eyes drifted to Louis’s waist, how firmly he had his arm wrapped around his middle.

Alex blinked at him, and Louis dropped his arm from around his waist. His eyes flickered as Alex looked at him, and –

Christ.

“You – “ Alex stuttered, “You’re pregnant,”

Louis just stared forward.

“You are, aren’t you,” he said again, and this time, Louis ducked his head and looked away.

“Louis,” Alex said, “Louis, oh my God,”

“You can’t be angry,” Louis said sharply, “Alex, I won’t let you be angry,”

Louis didn’t say anything else, just squeezed his eyes shut, and Alex breathed out, long and slow and shaky.

“I, fuck – “ he managed, closing his eyes. He saw pops of color beneath his eyelids before he was forcing his eyes open again.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he said, trying to keep his voice steadily “I could’ve filed it, they don’t let you fight if your mate is pregnant,”

“Not in this war,” Louis shook his head, “Not this time,”

Alex opened his mouth, closed it.

He was right. Of course he was right.

“Shit,” he managed, and Louis snorted.

“Yeah, shit,” he agreed. He rubbed a hand over his belly and it felt like someone was twisting their boot into Alex’s gut.

“How long’s it been do you think?” Alex asked, and Louis shrugged.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, “I felt kind of sick a few days before you got your orders, but I figured it would go away. Didn’t, though. My guess, the day after you got tested was what did it. That was a couple months back, it makes sense,”

Louis just looked at him, his gaze unflinching, and finally he sighed.

“Don’t give me that look, it’s alright,”

“Don’t tell me it’s alright,” Alex snapped. He didn’t want it to come out angry. He never wanted to be angry with Louis. He knew too many alphas who thought they could scream and get away with whatever they wanted, especially with their mates, and he didn’t want to be like that.

But _God_ , this really was something else.

He tried to breath in, pressed his hands to his face as he did, and then he finally looked up and blinked at Louis.

“I’m not angry at you,” Alex said, “I’m not even angry that you didn’t seem like you weren’t going to tell me about this – “

“I was going to tell you,” Louis snapped, “All this dawned on me today, baby, Christ. I was going to write you a letter, not give you more to worry about right now,”

“Alright, alright,” Alex shook his head, swallowed hard, “I’m still not angry at you. I’m just angry that I have to leave, and I can’t be here,”

“I’ll be okay,” Louis said quickly, “There are people in the building, they’ll help me,”

“But _I_ can’t,” Alex said, “And that’s what I’m supposed to do, I’m supposed to take care of you,”

“You’re also supposed to fight,” Louis said, “Right?”

“Yes, but – “ Alex didn’t know what to say. He was an alpha. That’s how he was born, that’s how he lived. He was supposed to fight and defend and win. But he was also supposed to protect his mate if he found someone decent enough to settle down with. Have a baby. Have a fucking litter, and protect all of them.

“I don’t know when I’ll come back,” Alex managed, “If I will,”

Louis just stared at him, his eyes flashing even in the dim light of the room.

“You’re going to fucking come back,” Louis said firmly, “Aren’t you? If not for me then for us?”

Louis had a hand pressed to his belly when he said it, and Alex was going to lose his mind, going to break down weeping because no, no, he wanted everything with Louis but it wasn’t supposed to go like this.

“Come here,” he said instead of answering, “Please, baby, just come here,”

Louis just stared at him again, and then finally he gave in and moved forward, then crawled under the sheets, right into Alex’s arms.

He held him close, cradling him around the waist with one arm and smoothing a hand over Louis’s flat belly with his free hand.

“We’re going to have a baby,” he breathed out, and Louis exhaled.

“Yeah,” he murmured.

“I’m gonna have to be over there,” Alex said, “How am I supposed to do that when I’m just going to be thinking of you here, all big and pretty with my baby, huh?”

“I’m sure you’ll manage,” Louis snorted. He lifted his head, pressing his lips to Alex’s throat, and he sighed, “I’ll write to you, make sure you know what’s happening and that I’m okay,”

“Yes,” Alex said quickly, “Write to me every day. Every hour. Just send me a bundle of letters with every thought in your head,”

“Don’t push your luck,” Louis sighed, then kissed Alex’s throat firmly, “I love you,”

Alex felt his breath catch in his throat. Just because Louis had said that to him countless times before didn’t mean he didn’t still need a moment to fully take it in. He still had to process that he got to hold and be loved by this boy. This boy who was going to have his baby.

“I love you, too,” he finally managed, “I love you with everything I have in me,”

Louis didn’t even laugh, didn’t even tease, just kept his easy, smiling lips to Alex’s throat until Alex finally pulled away. He caught Louis’s shoulders, pushed him down onto the mattress as he blinked up at him with wide, curious eyes.

“Let me make love to you, honey,” Alex said, “I wanted to do that anyways, give you something to remember me by, but – “

He cut himself off, swallowed before he lifted a hand and pressed it again to the underside of Louis’s belly.

“You got a better souvenir from me, huh,” he said.

Louis smiled, his tongue poking out to lick at his lip.

“Yeah,” he said, “You’re still gonna fuck me goodbye though, right?”

“’Course,” Alex murmured.

He leaned down, about to kiss him before he got into everything else, but Louis lifted a hand and pressed a finger to Alex’s lips before he could do it.

“You’re coming home,” Louis said firmly, “I know you didn’t answer that earlier, and I know that you thought I wouldn’t notice. But promise me right now you’re coming home. Even if you have to move heaven and earth and push an entire army out of the way to get back here,”

Alex just gazed down at him, thought of anything and everything that would try to pry them apart. Oceans, gunfire, other people.

He couldn’t think of a single one of them that would be too much for him to get through.

He pressed his fingers into Louis’s wrists, made sure he could feel him, and he leaned down, pressing his mouth to Louis’s cheek, lowering himself enough to sniff at the sweet, sweet scent of his skin, murmured words that as far as he was concerned were as unbreakable as the pink bite mark that would forever remain on Louis’s shoulder.

“I promise.”

*******

Alex got his first letter from Louis a month after he had been away.

He was in a rain-logged tent in a field next to a town he didn’t remember the name of, wrapped in a weathered blanket and just trying to think about ways he could stay warm enough to sleep. Then, the front of his tent flap was peeled back, and he glanced up weakly. He expected it to be one of the other three men that would be sharing the tent with him for the night, but instead it was an unfamiliar man in a rain poncho, holding a satchel close to his chest.

“Private Styles?”

“Yes?” Alex said immediately, already surging towards the front of the tent as the man reached into his bag and pulled out on thin, slightly wet envelope.

“Letter for you,” he said, even when Alex was particularly pulling it out of his hands. He ducked his head, cradling the letter to his chest.

“Sorry,” he said, “It’s just, I was waiting for my mate to write,”

“It’s alright,” the man said, “Half the boys in the camp are getting the same letters,”

Alex just swallowed and nodded, and then as soon as the letter carrier was gone, he ripped into the envelope and unfolded the letter with shaking hands so he could read it.

 _Hello darling_ , Louis’s careful handwriting greeted him.

_I’m so sorry I haven’t responded to your letters. I promised I have gotten them, and cherished every one. I have just been distracted lately, as you can imagine._

_Things are fine here. The landlord came by, your stipends will cover the rent until you come back, so you needn’t worry about that. And I still have enough left over for food. It will be fine._

_I’ve been feeling very sick, and I’m almost glad you’re not here to see me like this but I also wish you were home to help me. It’s very tiring to wake up and vomit and go to the kitchen for water and then run straight back again._

_Other than that I am fine. I’ll learn to handle things on my own, I promise._

_Things are boring other than that, I’m afraid. Town is boring. I am the same, just more tired, and without you home to distract me._

_Please stay safe. I miss you. I love you._

_Louis._

Alex read over the words again and again, until his eyesight began blearing with weariness. He folded up the letter tightly, kissed the paper like he wanted to kiss its sender, and then folded it up and tucked it into his pocket as he went back to his sleeping mat and curled up, the rubber doing nothing to fight off the coldness of the ground under him.

*******

As soon as Alex was awake, he went to the supply tent to request paper, a pen, and a stamp, and then sat down one of the desks in the tent to write a letter to Louis in return.  

_Hello my sweet boy,_

_I am so glad to finally hear from you. I would have waited months, years, if that is how long it took for you to write to me. But I am so glad it did not take you that long._

_It’s boring here, more than anything else. I will perish from boredom before a bomb, I swear. (I know you won’t like that joke but it’s the truth.) I’ve tried to talk to some of the other men, make friends, like I’m sure you would tell me to do. But you’ve ruined me with too many conversations. I’ve forgotten how to speak to anyone else._

_I’m so sorry you are still sick. I didn’t know what else to expect, but I still don’t like to hear it. I don’t like hearing that you have to do everything by yourself. You’ll call the neighbors, I hope. They adore you so much, especially the ladies downstairs. I’m sure they can be of some help, at least until I can see you again. And I intend to do that as soon as I can, do not even worry._

_When I have the chance to go into town, I’ll buy some books, send you a package of new things to read. You can stay in bed with your tea and your books and rest up. Write me about what you’re reading. I hope you will, love. I miss getting to hear the small thoughts in your head._

_I miss you, but that’s to be expected. And I miss our child, even if I do not know them yet. I wish I could be there with you as they grow. But that is a wish for another day._

_Take care, my love._

_Alex._

*******

Alex has been at war for four months, he has a bundle of letters six inches thick in his pack, and it still wasn’t enough.

He had moved around more times than he could count at this point, from one barrack to another, dozens of battlegrounds.

It was real now. Not just the exhaustion and the boredom, but the blood and the bullets. The death. It was so, so real.

Still, whenever the letter carrier came around and handed Alex a fresh envelope, he felt everything in him lighten.

Today’s letter was written on in fresh blue ink, and his hands shook a bit when he opened it. He hadn’t been able to eat as much lately, his stomach too tied up. He felt too hungry, too weak. But he’d deal with that later.

Louis’s writing was a sight for sore eyes, and he curled up tightly in his bunk, letting the words take him away.

 _Hello my darling,_ it starts, like usual.

_If you were anyone else, I would not admit this to you. But I miss you and I think I need you._

_I did not understand when I was a child, or even when we were courting, what it meant to truly belong to your alpha. I think I understand now. There is a part of my soul that is missing without you next to me, without your scent in our home. I do not know if you feel the same for me. Do you? I hope you do. I can hold it over your head that you can’t survive without me._

_I am better now. I hardly ever get sick anymore, which is a nice improvement. I’m very hungry, though, and there are lots of things the neighbors bring by. They spoil me, but I’m sure not as much as you would like to do if you were here. My ankles hurt a lot and are swelling, but I think that is normal. In fact, all of me is swollen, and there are marks all over me now, but I’m sure you’d think I was lovely. You’re very predictable, did you know that?_

_I think I felt a kick inside me last night. That’s very frightening, you know. It made me remember I’m not entirely alone here. You left me a little companion before you left, how considerate of you._

_It’s getting cold there, I’m sure. I don’t know where ‘there’ is for you anymore, but, wherever it is, I can guess it’s cold. I hope you’re taking care of yourself, staying warm. The flat is so cold but I’m buying blankets soon. Please don’t worry. I know you want to know everything that’s happening over here, but there’s nothing for you to fix. Okay? Just focus on getting home._

_I love you. I can’t wait to see you again. Maybe you’ll find yourself in a town close enough for a train ride to see me soon. For now, I’ll wait. I’ll be patient._

_Louis._

Alex scanned over the last few lines several times, the paper crinkling a bit with how tight he was gripping it.

He was on the outsides of some French battleground now. He wasn’t sure if they would need men back home anytime soon. But he also knew a visit back home couldn’t be too far fetched.

He stood up quickly and jogged to the front of the barracks, where an officer’s assistant was seated, looking rather bored.

“Is there a way I can maybe request a visit home?” he asked, “To see my mate?”

The assistant blinked up at him, and then looked at the letter still clutched in his hand. Eventually she sighed and opened her desk, pulling out a thick yellow card.

“Fill this out,” she said, “I can’t promise you anything, but it’ll be filed,”

Alex nodded quickly, and then accepted a pen from her as he leaned over the desk, filled out his name and his reason for requesting a home visit.

He turned it in with a smile, one the assistant did not return, and then returned to his bunk, probably to read the letter again before returning it to his pile.

He would be home soon. He was going to make sure of that.

*******

A month passed, and Alex still hadn’t gotten word of whether or not he could go home.

He noticed other men getting to pack their bags, head off to the station in civilian clothes for a few days, their faces bright. But there was nothing for him. The letters from Louis still spilled in, of course, but it was the only sort of paper he got. Nothing from his higher officers.

It wasn’t until one night he was out in the open, his fingers twisted together as he looked at the ground, that he heard the self-assured footsteps of someone that could only be of a higher rank. He looked up and saw an older man, tall, his arms locked behind his back. Alex had seen him a few times before, was sure he had shaken his hand.

“Alright, boys?” the officer asked, and a few of the privates nodded or grunted in answer as the man just kept walking along.

Alex drew himself fully to his feet and tripped forward, chasing after the man. He wasn’t sure if he could do that. He probably wasn’t allowed to look an officer in the eye outside of battle.

But fuck it, _fuck it._

“Sir?” Alex called, “I’m sorry, Sir?”

The officer froze in place and then turned around, blinking at Alex blankly for a moment before his face shifted, his eyes taking on some type of familiarity.

“Yes, Private Styles,” the man sighed.

“I, um,” Alex said, “I filed a report a few weeks ago, to maybe go home for a weekend?”

“Yes, I know,” the officer said, “If I recall, you filed several,”

“Oh. Yes. Well, do you know when I might be able to hear back?”

“You’re not going to hear back,” the office said plainly. He shook his head as he spoke, “I can’t do that for you son, I can’t send you home,”

“Are you sure?” Alex asked. He rung his fingers together as he tried to keep his voice level, “My omega, he’s – “

“I know why you filed the report. I’m sorry, but the answer is no,” the officer said. He took a step forward, getting closer to Alex, to the point Alex felt he needed to lift his chin to look up, despite being nearly the same height as the man in front of him, “Can’t spare the manpower right now, son. But the sooner we win, the sooner you can go home, huh?”

Alex just gazed blankly in front of him, and then stumbled back, casting his eyes down.

“Alright. I’ll wait, sir,”

“Good, good,” the officer nodded, and then smiled at Alex tightly before he turned back around, heading away from the row of privates that lined the ground.

Alex just stared at his receding back for a moment, and then stumbled back to his spot on the ground. He settled his arms over his knees, and just stared at the square of dirt on the ground in front of him.

“S’fine, mate,” a man said next to him, another solider Alex had never talked to in his life, “I’m sure it’ll be your turn eventually,”

“I need to go home,” Alex murmured blankly, “My mate’s having a baby,”

“I know,” yet another private across the way said, “I’ve heard, you’ve told us,”

Alex lifted his head, looking at the men across from him, next to him. He wasn’t sure he recognized any of them, and yet they still knew him, knew about the things he’d shared freely or mumbled about every time he’d gotten mail.

“But they have to, right?” Alex said, “They have to send me home,”

“If the officers are having babies, sure, they’ll go home,” one man said, “But we’re dispensable, mate,”

Alex wanted to whimper at that, but he couldn’t.

He _couldn’t_ be dispensable, because he couldn’t bear think what that would mean. Louis, their child, being alone, or worse, another alpha taking his place by Louis’s side, filling his belly with more babies.

That was _Alex’s_ job.

He huddled in on himself more, squeezing his knees.

It was good for the officers if he didn’t go home. Because if he got to see Louis again, got to hold onto peace for a little while, he wouldn’t ever let go. They could drag him back onto the battlefield and his head would still be in their old apartment, no use to the noble royal cause.

If they wanted to win, they had to shackle him here.  

********

 

It took another two days after talking to the officer for Alex to work up the ability to write another letter. Afer he wrote it, he sealed it up without reading it over, and dropped it off at the mail tent without a second thought.

_My love,_

_I have started thinking about your touch again._

_That is a horrible way to start a letter, and I’m sorry. I can feel your annoyance with me across the ocean and the mountains. But please, do not put this down yet._

_I miss your touch desperately. I miss the feelings of your hands and your gentle lips, I miss touching your hair and your cheeks when your beard starts to grow in again. But now I have started to long for things I am not even familiar with. I do not know what your body feels like anymore. I do not know what it is like to touch your hips and chest and belly while you are carrying our child. It is something I can only imagine, and it is tempting. So deliriously tempting sometimes I think one day I will have wandered to the train station to come home to you without even noticing what I am doing._

_There are so few beautiful things out here. I hope you’ll forgive me for thinking of you so often, for seeking out something lovely._

_I cannot come home. It has taken me too long to write that down, but I cannot. I doubt I am truly needed, that my absence will be the deciding factor of this war. But the army seems to think so, and they are all that matters. They are unfeeling, my darling. They do not care about you or me or anything else but victory._

_I hope you still think of me with some fondness. I hope you do not curse my absence, although I would not blame you if you did. I hope you remember my touch and what it feels like. I remember yours, although some days I think the memory is fainter. Those are the worst days for me. Not the days I am in danger, or the days the officers tell us we are on the losing sides. The days I cannot remember your lips and hands exactly, that is what wears on me._

_I will still come home. I promised you that, I intend to keep that vow. For now, please tell me that is something you still want. Please tell me I have a reason to keep fighting._

_My entire heart,_

_Alex_

********

Alex got the worst – and best – letter two days before they had to ship out to France again.

The handwriting on the letter was the same, the weight of the paper was the same. But there was something extra inside the envelope, and the words on the page were shorter. It took Alex no time at all to read it at first, but nearly fifteen more minutes to review it over and over.

_Darling,_

_I must request you come home now. I miss you so much these days it feels I am missing a chamber of my heart._

_It is spring here, my love, and it is so beautiful. I go and pick flowers every morning, so I always have something new to look at. It is dreadful, being pinned to the bed all these days with nothing else to look at. You would love it if you were here. I like to imagine all the things you would try to please me with, all the silly things you would say I smell of. That I probably smell sweet enough that honeybees want to drink off my skin._

_I am so tired these days, darling. Your child is so restless; I think they want you home too. Some nights they just beat my insides apart and I can’t sleep. I know it is not their fault. I like to feel them, make sure they are still here. But it is so hard, especially when there is no one next to me to soothe both of us back to sleep._

_I just want you home. I am hot and feel so heavy and useless without you here. I love you so much. Please, please visit me, even if it is from under the nose of the army. For a day, an hour, a moment. Please._

_For now, here is something to hold you over._

_Louis._

It was only when Alex had looked over the letter several times that he dared reach for the other thing in the envelope.

It was a photograph. It had probably been taken in their neighbor’s apartment, by their camera. Louis was the picture’s entire focus, and even in sepia tones that had come out a bit blurry, he was so, so beautiful. He was smiling, his swollen cheeks pushed back by his mouth, the grin oozing light through the whole scene. He was sitting cross-legged on an unfamiliar coach – again, probably a neighbor’s – and he was dressed in one of Alex’s shirts, bright white and big on him. It was unbuttoned, and his hands were cradling his full moon of a belly, the skin proudly shown by the open shirt.

Alex reached out, ran his fingertips over the glossy front of the picture.

It had been close to eight months Alex had been gone now. Louis must be ready to burst, and Alex still wasn’t there to calm his fears or to make sure he had a full night’s rest. He couldn’t hold Louis’s face in his hands and kiss him, couldn’t get on his knees and pressed his mouth to the curve of his stomach. Tell him how beautiful he was in person. He would pour it all into a letter tomorrow, about how beautiful Louis looked and how Alex was going to come home as soon as he could and no later.

But he wasn’t there. Louis couldn’t hear those words on his mouth and Alex couldn’t see his smile in person and in color.

Alex folded up the letter with shaky hands and added it to his pack. But he kept the photograph under his pillow, one hand tucked underneath so his fingertips could touch it as he slept. In the morning, he fit it into the front pocket of his uniform, over his heart.

Louis would call him stupid for doing all that. But he wasn’t here to say it, and that was the whole damn problem.

*******

The day after Alex stepped foot in Dunkirk, he got the last letter, four phrases long.

_Your baby is here. I’m okay. Come home and see us, please._

_Love, Louis_

He kept he letter in his pocket right alongside the letter for the next week.

He carried them even as he went straight into the Atlantic Ocean.

*******

Alex didn’t realize until afterwards, when he was on the train with a blanket and a mug of warm water and a stranger across from him, that the letters are gone.

The picture, too. He doesn’t know why it was such a big surprise. Water ruins paper. Melts it to pulp. And he had to drop his pack somewhere, though he didn’t remember where. Months and months of letters, and they only picture he had, all washed away.

Not that it mattered. He was apparently going home now. He got what he wanted.

The beta soldier that he pulled him out of the way of that boat was sitting across from him, his blanket folded over his lap. He wouldn’t look at Alex; he only cast fleeting glances at him. Alex knew what that other man was thinking about. The French soldier that Alex had tried to throw off the boat, the idea of finally getting out too dear to let anyone else get in the way.

The boy’s face flashed in front of his eyes now, his wide eyes and his shaking voice as he had given his name in French.

Eventually, it got too much, this other soldier not getting able to meet his eyes.

“I don’t – “ Alex stuttered, swallowed, kept his head down as he spoke, “I don’t know why I did any of that,”

The other boy was silent, and Alex tightened his fists in his lap, “I think this war went and fucked with my head. I just – I can’t imagine doing that. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, huh? Just trying to live,”

Still, there was nothing, and when Alex looked up, the other man was looking out the window out of the train, even though the darkness outside didn’t give much of a view.

“I – I’m trying to get home,” Alex said, not at all for the first time, “My mate’s having a baby. I mean – he’s already had the baby, I wasn’t there,”

Finally, the soldier turned towards him, just looking at Alex carefully.

“Congratulations,” he murmured, and Alex nodded.

“Thank you,”

“S’it a boy or a girl?”

“I don’t know. He didn’t tell me. Figured he wanted to wait until I got home, give me a reason to get back,” Alex swallowed, “Really, I think I’d like either,”

The solider nodded again.

“I’m sorry you weren’t there,” he said.

Alex kept his eyes cast down, but then the boy spoke again.

“I – “ he shook his head, “I used to have a girl at home, but – I don’t think she could be bothered anymore. She stopped writing me a year ago. But if I had something to get home to, then I don’t think you’d be alone. I probably would have done something worse,”

The soldier lifted his eyes, meeting Alex’s gaze for the first time.

“What’s your mate’s name?”

Alex swallowed, his tongue flicking out to lick his dry, broken lips.

“Louis,” he said, and the name felt so sweet coming out of his mouth, like a clean sip of water.

“When you get home,” the soldier said, “You give Louis my best. Alright?”

Alex managed a nod right before a tea cart rambled by, and they were both given hot cups.

They didn’t talk at all after that. But at least when the soldier closed his eyes, Alex knew he wasn’t trying to avoid his gaze.

********

Alex had not been home for ten months.

He’d been on three different trains, and he was finally getting off at a stop that looked familiar. It was so late that the station was empty now, but he was still familiar with the inside of the station, and he knew exactly what laid beyond it.

He was home.

He should’ve been back sooner. But it turned out he just needed an evacuation to get sent back.

He felt hollow from hunger, but once he was out of the station he didn’t even try to find anyplace to get food that would still be open. Instead he kept right on walking until he started towards the more familiar neighborhoods and into the cheap made flat buildings, and then finally to one building in particular. The front door didn’t lock at all, so he slipped right inside and went to the stairs, taking them two at a time up to the third floor.

Of course he didn’t have a key anymore to any of the doors up there. And once he found the door he needed, his hands froze at his sides, unable to lift and knock.

As he hovered in front of the door, his mind started racing. What if this was the wrong place? What if Louis had up and gone somewhere else? Of course he hadn’t mentioned anything like that in his letters. But maybe he had gotten tired of waiting. Maybe he had gotten scared and started hiding things.

Somehow, Alex was able to dig down deep and pull out the strength to knock carefully.

If he strained his ears, he could hear shuffling on the other side. But a few seconds stretched by, and it made his skin itch. That was too long to wait. So he lifted his hand and knocked again. This time, the door quickly opened, and a small body was drawing forward, nearly into the hallway.

“I told you not to – “ Louis whispered harshly, and then he paused, blinking.

“Alex,” he said, louder this time. His eyes were wide, “Darling, what – “

“I’m – home,” Alex stuttered, “I can stay home now. I – they evacuated us and half of us got discharge out of it and I didn’t have time to write you but – baby, I’m home. I’m home and I’m going to stay home,”

It was a rush, and he could barely get out the words, he was so distracted. There was something real in front of him that he had only gotten to dream about for almost a year.

Louis looked tired, his hair rumpled and his long fringe tangled. There were swollen, dark bags under his eyes, the color of his irises a bit dim. His skin didn’t have the same glow as it had in the picture he had sent, and his cheeks had lost their fullness, returning his face to its usual sharpness. As he stood in the doorway, he kept his arm around his waist, where he still looked a little wider than Alex remembered.

Louis’s other hand, the one not at his waist, tightened a bit on the doorframe.

“Come in,” Louis murmured, his voice a bit firm, “Come in, please,”

Alex particularly stumbled forward, and Louis let go of the doorframe, backing safely into the flat. As soon as Alex was inside he pushed the door behind him closed and then reached for Louis, grasping him by the shoulders. He dragged his hands up his neck and cupped his cheeks, pulling Louis in and kissing his ragged, bitten lips firmly. Louis’s mouth stuttered a bit under the touch and then his lips moved easily, kissing Alex back with the same eagerness.

“You’re real, huh?” Alex said when he managed to pull back, “You’re real and not something I dreamt up to get me through the days?”

“I’m right here, honey,” Louis laughed, “I’m right here,”

Louis stroked his hands up the sides of Alex’s wrists, dragging over his skin, scenting it, letting the smell and feel of him soak into Alex’s skin.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t come home,” Alex said, “I tried so hard, I just couldn’t – “

“I know, I know, you wrote me enough letters telling me that,” Louis smiled softly, “I’m not angry, darling,”

“You stopped writing to me,”

“I know, I’m sorry, I’ve been so busy, so tired,” Louis lifted a hand to Alex’s cheek, stroking at his skin, “I’m sorry I snapped at you, just, there are neighbors coming in at all hours, trying to give me things, and they wake the little one up – “

Louis’s voice cut off almost as soon as he said it, and his eyes widened a bit as Alex looked at him, his chest suddenly feeling tight.

Of course, he hadn’t just come back to see Louis.

“Um,” Alex murmured, “Is – “

“She’s in the other room,” Louis said, “She’s asleep,”

“She?” Alex echoed. Louis paused in stroking his cheek.

“Yes, darling,” Louis smiled, “Do you want to come see her?”

“I – “ Alex started, then he looked down at himself. In the last town he’d stopped in, he had used the last of his pocket money for a hotel room. He’d had a bath and had scrubbed away some of the dirt and blood clinging to his skin, and he’d paid someone else to wash his uniform. But there was still grime clinging to his nails, and probably still some in his hair and in the fibers of his shirt.

“I’m dirty,” he managed.

“You’re fine, honey,” Louis sighed, “She’s yours, she’s tough. A little dirt under your nails isn’t going to hurt her,”

“Okay,” Alex agreed, his voice still feeling too weak. 

“But take your boots off first,” Louis said, “You haven’t woken her up yet, I’d let it to stay that way,”

Alex nodded and bent down to undo his boots, and he left them on the living room floor before straightening back up and following after Louis. He walked slowly, trying to keep his feet soft as they entered their room. There was a crib now right by their bed now, a bit scuffed up in places but far too nice to be bought on their own. A neighbor had probably given it to Louis. It seemed like everyone in the building loved him already, but Louis with a child was probably an entirely new thing to be adored.

Louis approached the crib and Alex followed after him, until they were both close enough that Alex could glance inside. When he did look, he had to focus on his feet on the floor and Louis standing next to him, concrete things to keep him grounded as his thoughts nearly ran away from him.

There was a baby there. His baby, their baby. And she was so tiny. Tiny and delicate and with a sparse head of dark hair. Around her there was the familiar pale pink of their favorite blanket, the faded, striped fabric of one of Alex’s good shirts, a tiny brown toy bear. 

“She’s so beautiful,” Alex breathed out, and Louis made a soft noise of agreement next to him.

“What – “ Alex started, but Louis cut him off, probably already predicting what he was going to ask.

“Anna,” he murmured, “M’sorry, I had to name her myself. But I thought maybe you’d like it. Mum thought it was too plain, though,”

“No, no,” Alex shook his head, “It’s perfect,”

He gripped the edge of the crib, risking another glance inside, like this was something forbidden that could be snatched away from him.

“My shirt’s in there,”

“And our blanket,” Louis nodded, “I wanted her to know what you smelled like,”

Alex just nodded and looked down for a little while longer, and then finally Louis sighed and leaned over the crib, placing his arms carefully inside.

“Darling,” he whispered softly as he worked his hands under the tiny body, “Someone’s here to see you,” 

Anna stirred as Louis touched her, her face pinching, and soon her red lips parted and she cried out shrilly. Alex started a bit but Louis just sighed as he picked her up completely.

“You’re alright,” he said gently, “Your daddy’s finally home, precious, come say hello,”

Louis lifted Anna, swaddled in one of her blankets, fully into his arms.

“It’s alright, precious,” he sighed, and then angled her so she was pressed to the open collar of his sleep shirt. She seemed to settle a bit at that, her body still squirming like she was trying to get closer to Louis. It made him sigh, his breath tinged with laughter.

“There we go,” he said, “You know what Mummy smells like, huh,”

Alex watched the two of them, how Louis’s soft, tired smile seemed to light up his entire face as he looked down at their baby. He cradled her carefully, naturally, even as she kept fussing. He must have done this so many times, held and clothed and cleaned and fed their baby alone, in this apartment that didn’t even have a real bathroom or enough heat in the winter.

Louis looked up eventually, and his smile remained as he gazed over at Alex.

“Here,” Louis said. He took a step closer to Alex, shifting Anna again, “Take her,”

Alex just stared at Louis.

“What if – “ he said, but Louis interrupted him.

“I’ll show you how to hold her,” he said, “You’ll both be alright, I promise,”

Alex just stared again, and then finally, cautiously, held his arms out. Louis carefully shifted Anna in his arms, still wailing, and brought her close to Alex, murmuring how he should hold his arms as he handed her over.

Finally, the little body was safely settled in Alex’s arms, so small but somehow so heavy, and so warm. Her big, dark eyes blinked up at Alex before closing completely, her face relaxing. Her mouth pursed and fished open a bit before she became quiet again.

“Hello,” Alex murmured, “Hello, darling,”

Louis stayed close and gripped tightly onto the inside of his elbow, stroking his thumb over the spot as Alex held her.

“Have you been good for your mama?” Alex whispered, “Hm?”

“She’s been good,” Louis said, “Very sweet,”

Louis’s fingers reached out and pushed aside the blanket that surrounded her, exposing more of her face.

“I think she looks like you,” Louis said, “Her hair’s a bit curly,”

“Maybe,” Alex said. He was trying to take in all the details of her face, but he couldn’t quite find himself in her yet. But he could easily find Louis’s long lashes, his perfectly shaped nose.

Alex reached out a finger and prodded at one of Anna’s tiny, closely curled fists, and in a moment, her fingers uncurled and she grasped onto his finger, making his chest go tight.

“She likes me,” he said.

“Of course she likes you,” Louis said, “She’s yours,”

They stood like that for awhile, quiet and just looking at the tiny thing in Alex’s arms, and then Louis prodded his shoulder again.

“I’m sorry, love, but I need to go to bed, I’m falling asleep on my feet,” he murmured, “Do you just want to hold her for awhile?”

“Yes,” Alex said quickly, “Yes. And I’ll put her to bed,”

“I know you will,” Louis said. He kissed Alex’s temple, “I love you,”

“I love you, too,” Alex murmured, “So much. Love you so much,”

“I know, my darling,” Louis said, “I always know, don’t you worry about that,”

He pressed another kiss to Alex’s cheek, and then wandered back over to the bed. Alex went into the second room, near the kitchen, so Louis could sleep in peace.

He kept Anna close to his chest as he wandered in circles around the kitchen, the living room, and back again.

It was dawning on him now what it meant to be back. He had spent so long writing letters, hoping to get back home, clawing and scratching for the mere possibility. Getting home was all he had wanted, and now he had it. He had Louis in the next room, beautiful and resting, and his daughter in his arms.

His daughter. He had a daughter now.

Alex’s eyes burned, and he felt a part of him, something a selfish and ugly, rear up. For a moment he wished that he could just make himself some tea and take a bath and then settle next to Louis, alone and quiet, and just to have a few more days of the life he used to know.

But then Anna stirred, and all of those desires shattered.

He had come home for a reason, and now he had it. He wasn’t going to wish it away for something else.

Alex pressed his daughter close yet again, and angled his mouth down to really speak to her.

“I’m sorry,” Alex said first, “I’m so sorry for where I’ve been but I’m going to take good, good care of you now. Okay?”

Of course Anna didn’t react, just squirmed a bit and remained dozing, and that only made him what to keep going.

“I’m not going to leave you again,” he said, “I’m not a very good person, baby. I’ve learned that about myself. I – I’ve hurt people. But I’m going to try to be a good father to you, okay? I’m going to teach you how to treat people better than I have,”

The words spilled easily from lips now as he huddled Anna close. Maybe his voice was just a lullaby to her, because she had completely stilled, barely even flinching at his words.

“I’m going to make sure I’m here with you, and that I’m going something good. I’m going to buy us a big house, okay? A big, nice house, somewhere proper for you to grow up, and I’ll hang a tire swing in the backyard for you. I’ll be here to see you crawl and speak and walk. I’ll buy you crayons and books and dolls, whatever you want. I’ll even buy you a dog if you’d like one. I – “ Alex’s voice caught as he tried to speak next, but he swallowed it down and forced himself to keep going, “I’ll give you siblings. I’ll give you too many to count. But first I have to marry your mama, baby girl,”

His throat felt go tight at that. It wasn’t a lie, the furthest thing from it. He’d promised Louis they would get married as soon as Alex had the money for a ring and a real wedding. He wasn’t any closer to that promise now, since his army stipends were probably barely enough for Louis to cover the rent on his own. But it would happen. He knew that much.

“And that’s the big thing I need you to know,” Alex finally said a loud, “I want you to know that I love your mama so much. He used to be my favorite person in the world. But now you’re here, so I think you two will have to share that title,”

He bounced her gently after that, and she didn’t react, just stayed quiet and still. He sighed. He was out of words, anyways, out of explanations for where he had been and what was going to happen next.

Alex wandered back into the second room, then, and went over to the crib. He set her down, and she didn’t wake up and scream, so he assumed she was okay and comfortable. He shifted around her things, her blanket and his shirt and her bear, and then he drew his hands away.

He wanted another bath, but he didn’t dare turn on the tap and wake either Anna or Louis up. So he just took off his uniform, left in a pile on the floor, and then went over to the bed completely bare and crawled next to Louis.

But before he even could tuck an arm around his mate’s waist, he heard his voice.

“You were very chatty just now,” Louis murmured, and Alex paused.

“Did you – hear much of that?”

“Tuned most of it out. Wanna give you as much privacy as this place allows,” Louis said, “It’s a miracle I stayed awake for longer than a few minutes, anyways, I felt like I was on my last legs when I got into bed. But now that you’re here I think I’m wide awake,”

Alex hummed softly, and then settled his head down on his pillow and reached out again to put an arm around Louis. But again, he was halted, this time by Louis twisting around again and pushing Alex’s hand away.

“Alex, wait,” Louis said. 

Alex stopped, blinking at Louis’s form in the darkness.

“What’s wrong?”

 “I -- I just had a baby,” Louis said carefully, “I’m not gonna feel like you remember, s’all”

Alex nearly froze, his hands hovering over Louis’s body, and then he breathed out sharply.

“God, honey,” Alex sighed, “I’ve dreamed about coming home to you for almost a year, you think I’m going to care about that?”

“Just,” Louis sighed as he settled back down onto the mattress, “Just keep that in mind,”

Alex nodded, and then cautiously reached out a hand, firmly settling it on Louis’s waist. The other man tensed and then quickly relaxed underneath Alex’s touch. He sighed softly and shifted, but he didn’t move away, and it only made Alex want to touch Louis more. He ran his hand all over him, along his chest and his belly and his hips and his legs. Louis’s chest was swollen and soft, there was more flesh at his waist. But he still smelled the same, still made Alex’s own skin feel nice and hot and his belly feel tight.

Louis squirmed under his touch, his body very much awake and alive, and when he spoke his voice soft and careful but still delicious and keening.

Alex pressed his nose to the back of Louis’s neck and breathed in deeply, taking in the smell of spring and sweet things, and he pressed his hands firmly to Louis’s skin, drawing another gasp out of his mate.

“Louis,” Alex murmured, “Let me make love to you,”

“Uh,” Louis groaned, and Alex pet his side carefully.

“Baby, you wanna?”

“Yeah,” Louis answered, “Alex, yes, please,”

Alex nodded, then slid his hands down to the tops of Louis’s legs, rucking up the edge of his sleep shirt. Alex’s fingertips skimmed over his bare hips and the curve of his bum, and Louis groaned again.

“Missed you,” Louis murmured, “Missed you so much,”

“I know precious,” Alex said, “You took care of yourself while I was away though, right? Made yourself feel nice?”

“Yes, but not like you can, ah – shit,” Louis said, his voice cutting off as Alex pressed a fingertip to the rim of his slick, ready entrance. He prodded at him a bit, trying to get his fingers inside enough until he was open. Then he pulled his hands away and instead went to grab his length, smoothing a hand over Louis’s belly as he pressed his cockhead to his entrance.

“You’re going to give me another baby to take care of,” Louis huffed, “I swear you will,”

“I’ll do my best to try and stop,” he said, “I can get out of you – “

“No, no,” Louis sighed, “I waited close to a year for a knot, honey, if we get another baby we get another baby out of it,”

“Alright,” Alex sighed against his shoulder, “Whatever you want. I made you wait too damn long, I’m gonna give you whatever you want now,”

He pushed his cockhead inside of him, letting Louis’s heat swallow him. Lois groaned, his body shifting a bit before relaxing once again. Alex kept a hand on his hip, smoothing over the skin, and he squeezed a bit at the flesh as he pushed his hips forward, letting himself become swallowed up completely.

Louis moaned rather loudly at that, and Alex squeezed his hip hard.

“Gotta be quiet, baby,” he murmured, “Don’t wake her,”

“Uh huh,” Louis sighed, “I know, I know, just wanna let me know you’re makin’ me feel nice,”

“You can tell me, darling, just tell me when you’re quiet,” Alex sighed as he shifted his hips, “Christ, can’t believe you had to take care of yourself for so long. You looked so pretty in that one picture you sent me, I wanked to that for weeks,”

“Lord,” Louis huffed, “I missed you. Had to wank with your shirts on my nose so I could smell you. And everything felt so good when I was knocked up but it still wasn’t enough,”

“I sorry,” Alex said, “But I’m gonna take care of you now. Won’t leave you again,”

“I wouldn’t let you leave anyways,” Louis said, and then his voice faded into a whimper, “Alex, baby, harder, please,”

“Yeah?” Alex murmured, “You want more, honey? Wanted to come back and be sweet to you, make love to you. But you wanna get fucked, don’t you precious?”

“Oh,” Louis gasped, “Oh, Christ, yes please,”

“Alright,” Alex laughed, and then kissed the back of Louis’s ear before catching his lobe between his teeth, biting enough to make Louis squeak, “Be quiet, though, gotta be quiet,”

He snapped his hips hard and Louis gasped and pushed back. Louis’s skin felt hot, and Alex felt slick pouring over his cock, wetting the sheets below them. Alex reached up to pinch at one of his nipples but Louis slapped his hand away.

“I’ll leak, don’t,” he huffed.

“Alright,” Alex sighed, “I’ll play with your tits later, honey, bet you’d like that,”

“Christ, don’t know why I missed you,” Louis groaned, “Fuckin’ menace you are,”

“Uh huh, still got you all wet, huh,” Alex said, kissing the back of Louis’s neck. Louis still groaned.

“Just do what you’re good for,” Louis huffed, and Alex laughed weakly before bucking his hips forward, burying more of his length inside Louis. The other man groaned, and then his voice became a soft whimper as Alex rocked his hips gently against him. He kept his nose pressed to Louis’s neck, and his hands skimmed over the front of his body, feeling every generous new curve. He would take his time exploring Louis’s body in the morning, if they had time, before Anna woke up.

He had only been home for a little while and there was already so much for him to think about.

And Louis smelled unbearably sweet. It didn’t help clear his mind.

Finally, Louis hissed sharply and then his body tensed, before he mewled and Alex felt new wetness spread underneath them as Louis released. Alex rocked forward more, until his knot swelled and he was spilling and stuck inside Louis, exactly where he needed to be. He kept his nose pressed to his scent gland, ran his dry lips over Louis’s bond mark, while the other man curled up against him and sighed.

“Thank you,” Louis finally whispered.

“My pleasure, honey,” Alex laughed weakly, but Louis groaned.

“No, no I meant – “ he shook his head, his hair rustling against his pillow, “Thank you for keeping your promise. For coming home,”

“Oh,” Alex paused, lifting his head a bit, “Should’ve been sooner,”

“It doesn’t matter,” Louis said, “God, you’re here in one piece and not in a box, that’s all I care about,”

Alex nodded and squeezed his eyes closed, pressing nearly his whole face to the back of Louis’s neck.

“I’ll never forgive this war for taking you away from me,” Alex mumbled, “Never,” 

“It’ll be okay,” Louis said weakly, “It’ll be okay, baby. You’re out of there now, it doesn’t even matter. Let other people fight it out, it can’t hurt us anymore,”

Alex’s eyes felt wet at that, and before the first tear could even spill fully out, Louis’s hand found his own, and he stroked Alex’s knuckles gently, bringing him back to earth.

“You’re alright,” Louis said, but Alex’s lips opened and a weak sob let out, making him press his mouth against Louis’s shoulder. He wouldn’t wake Anna up with his crying. That would be a bad second impression, even if she couldn’t fully remember this.

But Louis kept stroking his hand, and eventually he squeezed Alex’s hand hard.

“Alpha,” Louis said firmly, “Alex,”

Alex froze, and he pulled his mouth away from Louis’s shoulder, blinking into the darkness as Louis kept squeezing his hand.

“I – “ Alex managed, “I’m your alpha,”

“What else would you be?” Louis said, “It doesn’t matter you couldn’t be here with me every second. I survived before I met you, I can survive without you if I need to. I just don’t like it. I want you here, I want to see your face when I wake up, I want you to know you’ll be walking in that door every day. I love you, and that’s how you take care of me. You love me right back, and I don’t need you here to know that. I can feel it all the way across the damn English Channel,”

Alex just stayed silent, his hand curled tightly in Louis’s, and then he breathed out long and hard as he shook his head.

“Tough as nails, you are,” Alex huffed against the back of Louis’s neck, “God, who let me keep you?”

“Me, for whatever reason,” Louis sighed. He shifted a bit, pushing his body forward. Alex’s knot was starting to loosen, and he shifted and pulled himself out of Louis. But then he gripped Louis’s hips and turned him over onto his back, and settled his body over top of him. He pressed a kiss to Louis’s mouth, and the other man returned it, a smile on his lips as he did so.

“You just gotta promise me one thing,” Louis said when Alex pulled away.

“Anything,” Alex murmured as he kissed the corner of Louis’s mouth, “Anything you want,”

“When you buy me that big house,” Louis said, “You better get me a bedroom with a nice view,”

Alex lifted away, and then just blinked at Louis before he let himself laugh, loud and hard, and he collapsed on top of Louis and squeezed him.

It was enough to make Anna wake up wailing.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm considering adding a second part of this fic that explores more of Alex and Louis's lives after the war. Please let me know if you'd be interested in seeing that. 
> 
> UPDATE: a sequel is coming!! it'll be posted as a second chapter to this fic so if you're really interested, you can subscribe directly to this work. 
> 
> Really, if you liked anything at all about this fic, please leave me a comment and let me know! Or leave some kudos!
> 
> Tumblr: emperorstyles


End file.
